Thursday, April 12, 2007
Current mood: bouncy
Hi there my devotees...(I wish)
The time is upon us to reflect and think. I just realized it's almost a month since you heard from me and no, I haven't croaked of self pity. Au contraire, mes amis! I am about to update you.
3 months have gone by after returning to Old Blighty and it has been sort of difficult. I still live in the flat formerly known as home, with ExBoy whom I barely see as his social agenda is somewhat fuller than mine. And it's not like I haven't been trying to expand. I met some lovely people since, of which some will be friends for life I hope. I've gotten drunk and in a tangle and said and done things I shouldn't, but such is the vengeful heart; or the very lonely one for that matter.
But it dawned on me recently: I still gave ExBoy the status of Mr. Right - who's done the dirty.
Well, think about it: Mr Right wouldn't do that, would he? Mr. Right wouldn't even look at another bird as he would be sort of oblivious to their existence through his devotion to moi. So ExBoy is really Mr. Wrong; Mr Very Very Wrong, the swine.
On his birthday, about a month ago, I left him a card with a pig on - a cute hog but a pig nevertheless. He was not too impressed! Upon which I dryly commented that murders and suicides happen over the shit he poured on us so a card with a pig was somehow the lesser of evils. So, Mr Wrong shut up and went partying with the Slapper.
Anyway, what else?
A friend had a fifty-th birthday party where she insisted on introducing me to all unaccompanied men present! Now this was an occasion for dressing up I wasn't going to let go, sweeties!!!
I wore my LBD and kinked it up with a black sequined corsetty top finished with lots of bling, my Gaultier jacket, very nice tights and high heeled black satin ankle strap court shoes, topped with a black feathery shawl reminiscent of a feather boa... Very burlesque.
To whoever was commenting on it I said I was working my dominatrix look, which had some men getting a glint in their eye. The beers kept coming at a rather fast pace. The party was a real hoot, the men were all unsuitable for different reasons but one of them showed me all the corners of the dance floor.
This to say, he was a bit of a danceur!
And I'm very partial to a good leading man, despite my look... He twirled me around and bent me backwards like I was Cyd Charisse and my table was whooping with delight and admiration. I heard afterwards they were having bets whether I was going to cop off with him - friends eh?
But what exhilaration, readers, it still puts a smile on my face thinking of the dancing. And before you ask, no, nothing happened. He gave me his mobile number but I deleted it some days ago as I was having a bit of a clear out.
Two days later I left for a week to visit Belgium. As my Eurostar arrived, (uncannily) my iPod shuffled to "Motorbike Boogie" from Old Flame's band. So I texted him to say I just rolled into Brussels Midi. Almost instantly I received his reply: "And suddenly the sun shines!" ... which was the nicest welcome I could have gotten.
The old charmer still does it!
Anyway, off I went to Antwerp as there was some diamond business to take care off in the morning. After that I went to lunch with my dearest friend and surrogate mum on a terrace in front of the Academy in the blazing sun. And I had an epiphany: life is good here, people really want me around, why not come back? Why not, indeed... I hadn't really considered that option, stubborn as I am. But a seed was sown. Later I walked through a sunny Antwerp, having just indulged in some rather nice new underwear (I know, I'm getting the hang of this girlie thing in my old age!) when my mobile went.
Old Flame!
"Where was I? Ok, want to meet for drink? Jump on tram to the other side of the river, Meet you there and will bring you back."
Blimey... keen or what? And you know the best part? I was looking rather good, strutting it with the pink booties under my skinny jeans and little black leather jacket. So, we met up!
How is it possible that 2 people fancy each other's socks off (and more...) and nothing gets done about it? It's a 15 year old mystery to me. Never mind, it was like all those years ago: I met up with him in the electronics shop buying "thingies", then off to the rehearsal den (holy of holiest) then drink on one or other terrace, then dropping me off but running out of time and promise to meet up later that week. With a very sweet little kiss... And I'm still falling for it!
That evening I took the train to go and see my family for 2 days which was terribly good fun and then by the end of the week return to R. & C.'s in Antwerp as I promised to help them out with some things. I also met up with K., my friend who lives in Manhattan now and was also visiting her family. A very fruitful visit, seeing so many people.
I know, all you want to know is "What happened with Old Flame?"
Well, we went for another drink one night, he is still as evasive as ever but there's no doubt that he is trying to convince me to return, for whatever reason. We had a cuddle when he dropped me off and arranged to go for lunch the next day. Which we did. And the last evening which I spent with Erika (surrogate mum and ex teacher), we waffled on the phone for almost 2 hours in the middle of the night, just like the olden days. What can I say?
I returned last week Monday feeling very ambiguous and I need to do some serious thinking. Antwerp or Bristol? Bristol or Antwerp?
There are no real binds either way and whatever I do, it will be the same effort: new job, new home, ... but Belgium has my safety net of family and friends which has proved invaluable when I fell ill. But it would feel like giving up without a bit of a fight, and it means ExBoy gets off scots free as he just seems to ride out the storm; letting me take all the decisions in a mess he created, cowardly bastard.
Time to Make my Mind Up.
And, more importantly, to have some fun while I'm doing it... (grinning very widely and wickedly) ! And that's another story, me harties. One I'm still savouring.
Let's just say, I had a rather eventful Easter weekend and some darkness has lifted. Isn't that what Easter is all about? (grinning even more like the cat that got the cream.........)
NOW I got you hooked, no?
(chuckling)
Current mood: bouncy
Hi there my devotees...(I wish)
The time is upon us to reflect and think. I just realized it's almost a month since you heard from me and no, I haven't croaked of self pity. Au contraire, mes amis! I am about to update you.
3 months have gone by after returning to Old Blighty and it has been sort of difficult. I still live in the flat formerly known as home, with ExBoy whom I barely see as his social agenda is somewhat fuller than mine. And it's not like I haven't been trying to expand. I met some lovely people since, of which some will be friends for life I hope. I've gotten drunk and in a tangle and said and done things I shouldn't, but such is the vengeful heart; or the very lonely one for that matter. But it dawned on me recently: I still gave ExBoy the status of Mr. Right - who's done the dirty.
Well, think about it: Mr Right wouldn't do that, would he? Mr. Right wouldn't even look at another bird as he would be sort of oblivious to their existence through his devotion to moi. So ExBoy is really Mr. Wrong; Mr Very Very Wrong, the swine.
On his birthday, about a month ago, I left him a card with a pig on - a cute hog but a pig nevertheless. He was not too impressed! Upon which I dryly commented that murders and suicides happen over the shit he poured on us so a card with a pig was somehow the lesser of evils. So, Mr Wrong shut up and went partying with the Slapper.
Anyway, what else?
A friend had a fifty-th birthday party where she insisted on introducing me to all unaccompanied men present! Now this was an occasion for dressing up I wasn't going to let go, sweeties!!!
I wore my LBD and kinked it up with a black sequined corsetty top finished with lots of bling, my Gaultier jacket, very nice tights and high heeled black satin ankle strap court shoes, topped with a black feathery shawl reminiscent of a feather boa... Very burlesque.
To whoever was commenting on it I said I was working my dominatrix look, which had some men getting a glint in their eye. The beers kept coming at a rather fast pace. The party was a real hoot, the men were all unsuitable for different reasons but one of them showed me all the corners of the dance floor.
This to say, he was a bit of a danceur!
And I'm very partial to a good leading man, despite my look... He twirled me around and bent me backwards like I was Cyd Charisse and my table was whooping with delight and admiration. I heard afterwards they were having bets whether I was going to cop off with him - friends eh?
But what exhilaration, readers, it still puts a smile on my face thinking of the dancing. And before you ask, no, nothing happened. He gave me his mobile number but I deleted it some days ago as I was having a bit of a clear out.
Two days later I left for a week to visit Belgium. As my Eurostar arrived, (uncannily) my iPod shuffled to "Motorbike Boogie" from Old Flame's band. So I texted him to say I just rolled into Brussels Midi. Almost instantly I received his reply: "And suddenly the sun shines!" ... which was the nicest welcome I could have gotten.
The old charmer still does it!
Anyway, off I went to Antwerp as there was some diamond business to take care off in the morning. After that I went to lunch with my dearest friend and surrogate mum on a terrace in front of the Academy in the blazing sun. And I had an epiphany: life is good here, people really want me around, why not come back? Why not, indeed... I hadn't really considered that option, stubborn as I am. But a seed was sown. Later I walked through a sunny Antwerp, having just indulged in some rather nice new underwear (I know, I'm getting the hang of this girlie thing in my old age!) when my mobile went.
Old Flame!
"Where was I? Ok, want to meet for drink? Jump on tram to the other side of the river, Meet you there and will bring you back."
Blimey... keen or what? And you know the best part? I was looking rather good, strutting it with the pink booties under my skinny jeans and little black leather jacket. So, we met up!
How is it possible that 2 people fancy each other's socks off (and more...) and nothing gets done about it? It's a 15 year old mystery to me. Never mind, it was like all those years ago: I met up with him in the electronics shop buying "thingies", then off to the rehearsal den (holy of holiest) then drink on one or other terrace, then dropping me off but running out of time and promise to meet up later that week. With a very sweet little kiss... And I'm still falling for it!
That evening I took the train to go and see my family for 2 days which was terribly good fun and then by the end of the week return to R. & C.'s in Antwerp as I promised to help them out with some things. I also met up with K., my friend who lives in Manhattan now and was also visiting her family. A very fruitful visit, seeing so many people.
I know, all you want to know is "What happened with Old Flame?"
Well, we went for another drink one night, he is still as evasive as ever but there's no doubt that he is trying to convince me to return, for whatever reason. We had a cuddle when he dropped me off and arranged to go for lunch the next day. Which we did. And the last evening which I spent with Erika (surrogate mum and ex teacher), we waffled on the phone for almost 2 hours in the middle of the night, just like the olden days. What can I say?
I returned last week Monday feeling very ambiguous and I need to do some serious thinking. Antwerp or Bristol? Bristol or Antwerp?
There are no real binds either way and whatever I do, it will be the same effort: new job, new home, ... but Belgium has my safety net of family and friends which has proved invaluable when I fell ill. But it would feel like giving up without a bit of a fight, and it means ExBoy gets off scots free as he just seems to ride out the storm; letting me take all the decisions in a mess he created, cowardly bastard.
Time to Make my Mind Up.
And, more importantly, to have some fun while I'm doing it... (grinning very widely and wickedly) ! And that's another story, me harties. One I'm still savouring.
Let's just say, I had a rather eventful Easter weekend and some darkness has lifted. Isn't that what Easter is all about? (grinning even more like the cat that got the cream.........)
NOW I got you hooked, no?
(chuckling)
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