Funerals

Thursday, August 23, 2007

So........where was I?

Ah yes, looking a few hundred squids, in the car waiting at the crematorium. Suddenly ExBoy's (half) sister walks by. Now she has been really nice to me during all the shenanigans. So we leap out of the Punto to say hello and she says she wanted to come for support. That put a lump in my throat. Then we all decided to stroll towards the cousins from up North to say hi. Some were very friendly, some were a bit distant; one asked frowning: "Where's (name ExBoy)?" I answered he would be arriving soon, with the family... a bewildered expression, but nothing was said. Suddenly a blonde woman dashes over, family, she's always there but I can't remember her name - shame on me! "My God, you look good! Where is...?" And that's when we all spotted him (and her). So I said "Looks like I'm officially not part of the family any more" upon which she grabbed me in a smothering hug and I'm pretty sure, muttering "bloody fool". Well, the cavalry was in! Made me feel sort of good. ExBoy then peeled away from his company to walk to us. To avoid confrontation I walked away from the cousins. Less embarrassing for all...
All were waiting to go in... We were watching them. I was being watched equally. The other sister arrived with her 2 girls, stood around for a bit and then... you could have knocked me over with a feather - came all the way over to me to give me a long comforting hug!?!!!! WTF? This woman has never been really friendly to me in 12 years and I expected her to be glad to be rid if you know what I mean. Now that threw me, people! And then it was time to go. Nothing much to say, but it felt really weird to see someone else walking and sitting where I had been not that long ago. She must have been told to wear something decent and not her typical punky clobber. High heels but cheap, darlings, cheap... the lip jewellery didn't help... That was new. So was the fact that his balding patch showed up really well! The hard bit was at the end, when the family got up and walked out. It's effing hard to see yourself being replaced with such ease and without any grace! Bit of a minor breakdown ensued - in private, after he past us by... Again the sister was there with a bear hug...and urged me to come to the wake after. Feck, we might as well go the whole 9 bloody yards, eh?
Bit of restoration to the old (very demure!) paintworks before facing the Family again. M. and me buggered off to have a pow wow over coffee and cake. We decided to go to the swanky hotel where the wake was to be held but not stay too long, acte de présence... And I was determined to put on a good show. And so it happened; we walked in when everyone was already well established to a (apparently) Shocked Pair, who then looked very uncomfortable for the duration of my stay. I had a chat with the family of the auntie (son) who was delighted that I showed up. The eyes of all present were on us, sweeties. What were they expecting? A scene? Eastenders style? Not from this bird... Then one by one, people walked up to me just to say hello, or give a little wink, or mouth "well done you"... And it suddenly dawned on me: every woman present - bar one, of course - was on my side as they could just empathize with their own worst nightmare: to have to stand there when the younger model is being paraded... ha! I felt better instantly. We left just short of an hour's stay and 2 glasses of red.
I hear you ask, but how did you get sloshed then, oh wondrous one? - There is a bit of a tail to the story I'm afraid. I dragged M. to the hotel bar as I deserved a treat after that. So I got her a juice (driving) and myself a glass of champagne! And we sat down to mull over the situation. M. was flabbergasted by the Slapper (not seen before) and came out with the immortal words: "She makes him look old!" I could have kissed her... And then the whole party walked in to go and sit on the balcony, smoking. It was sort of unexpected to see me, so after 5 minutes who comes walking back in, bee lining for me?....yes! !! And when he kneeled beside me to start talking, I nearly lost it. So I just told him to P*** Off, grabbed my bill and went over to the bar to pay, hairs standing on end and heart beating in throat. Cheeky bastard!
So, then M. dropped me off at home and I foolishly fished out a bottle of cava from my fridge and ... well ... great stonking headache the next day... A small glitch on the Richter scale of things.

Je vous laisse, mes amis, work to do!
Tara for now.