The Brits... Rantfest par excellence!!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

People...

I am watching the Brit Awards as we speak and I am just short of throwing my Andrex Puppy slippers to ExBoy's huge flatscreen, screaming blue monday - no sorry, murder!
I haven't seen anything as self congratulatory as this shite! Sharon O. acting as your Mum and Best Friend of all things Pop, Ozzy as a bumbling prop to Her side, Fern whatshername being very blonde, Kylie trying out the Ms. D. Harry look and failing (sadly, huh)
Half of the nominees I haven't even heard of and I do take an interest in new sound bites!
Oh!!! David Tennant is on (dr. Who of the Scottish persuasion) I have a soft spot for him. Bear with me.
Midget Minogue just got best international female. Dahlink, if you can't walk in your 5" heels you shouldn't be wearing them; no matter how short you are. Looked ridiculous to be walked to the stage on the hand of that ugly bouncer. Ms. Harry would have rather died... I rest my case!
Who the f. is Leona Lewis? Just googled it.. won X factor... no wonder I didn't know. Sounds like a cross between Mariah Carey (puke violently) and Whitney Houston (more puke) with the same dramatic movements and the warbling of the voice. Where are those flippin' suicide bombers when you bleedin' need them!!! Gawd!
Next on... James Nesbitt???? Poor woman's George Clooney (as named by AA Gill)? Good actor but what is he doing there handing a trophy to Kate Nash - Kate bloody Nash... AAAAAAAARGH! for what? The fakest accent in pop? Singing several seconds off rhythm?
Crikey, this is dire, folks. Amy Winehouse… now, I like her voice – but she looks like her stick insect non existent arse has swallowed the cork of the organic (obviously) vodka bottle after snorting Charlie's line and the beehive looks in need of some serious DDT treatment. And by feck, she dances (or wiggles more to the point) to another drummer all together. Good shoes, I'll grant her! But again, why wear them if you can't stand in them, girlfriend?
Take That (self professed hardest working band of all? WHEN? When I wasn't watching?), some good acts (tongue firmly wedged in cheek)… but … what's the point? I don't get it, apart from the Arctic Monkeys being blind drunk and taking the piss out of those arrived (James thingy, Blur, country gent, cheese – some pointers spring to mind). Why am I watching this crap?

What happened to the likes of Jarvis Cocker mooning Janet Jackson's Tit? Or was that her brother? What's the difference anyway! Those were the days.
So… what's the piece the resistance you think? Paul "I just got rid off a Millstone" Mcbleedin' Cartney ! Shoot me now? Please? You'd be doing me a favour… I'll pay. Seriously!
(still spitting venom as we speak)
And I held back – just so you know. Last Night of the Effing Brits with awards thrown in for good measure and justification, sponsored by some credit card… Coming to think of it, might be reason to send mine back (the credit card)!
Eurgh, piss off corporate twats!

Spit, spit, spit,…!